My Ten Favorite Characters, Roles, or Nations to Play in Board Games

 

1. Swift and Company in City of the Big Shoulders: Chicago 1895

If you are my opponent and we have a cordial business relationship, I shall invite you to the Annual Pork Ball, the social event of the 1895 season. But should you tank my stock...oh sir or madam, you shall be snubbed! Where’s your invitation? At the bottom of the Chicago River, right next to my accountant--that’s where!

2. Luke Skywalker, Rebel Commando in Star Wars Miniatures

I won the 2010 Missouri Regional Tournament with a squad built around this bad boy, so it’s all love. The great skill of this version of Luke is to levitate his allies into combat. That’s not exactly how it worked in the movies, but whatever.

3. Phobolog in Terraforming Mars

This corporation helps you build big stuff in space, and it’s fun to build big stuff in space. Plus your turns end up being really short, so you can go drink while the other players plant trees and build quonset huts on the Martian surface. Also, as Terry Wilson likes to note, you can pretend that your company is a blog about Vietnamese soup.

4. The United Kingdom in Axis and Allies

Playing the UK was lots of fun back in high school when Stefan Zarins played Germany, because he got really into playing Germany. Maybe too into playing Germany? Anyway, you have a lot of options with the Brits. Build aircraft carriers. Bomb Dusseldorf. Industrialize the colonies. Fun for the whole family!

5. The Cursed Pirate in Dice Throne

The Pirate is not the most powerful Dice Throne character. That would be the Shadow Thief, who is too overpowered to be entirely fun. But the Pirate is hilarious. You throw exploding powderkegs at people, your playmat uses words like “aye” and “booty,” and you slowly evolve from a sassy redhead pirate into a rapidly deteriorating skeleton pirate with superpowers. Always fun to drag your opponent down with you into the briny deep.

6. Bards in Dungeons and Dragons

I’ve never gone to the level my brother Nick has where he’s purchased costumes and actual musical instruments for purposes of better portraying a D&D Bard. But he’s absolutely correct that the Bard is the most fun D&D class--they’re highly customizable, you get to talk to NPC’s, and you don’t have to worship some deity that Gary Gygax invented in his basement. 

7. The Thimble in Monopoly

Apparently they recently got rid of the thimble, which is awesome, because it means that I get to boycott Monopoly for the rest of my life.

8. Puck in No Holds Bard

This was a game in development that I played at GenCon once, and it was a hell of a lot of fun. Board game fightin’ with Shakespeare characters! I hope the guy who designed it gets somewhere with it. Anyway, Puck was exactly the chaos agent you would want him to be. And yes, his special move is to affix a donkey head to rival characters.

9. The Roman Empire in History of the World

Do I really need to explain why the Roman Empire is awesome in a game called History of the World?

10. Athena in Mythic Battles: Pantheon

Makin’ corpses of Spartans,

Behind the Parthenon

With you, my grey-eyed girl.

Yoooooou myyyyyyyyyyy….grey-eyed girl.

Last Place. Helping Candamir Chop Wood in Candamir

Chop your own wood, you lazy forest bastard.